Happy birthday KT! Heres the completed chapter of Perfection and ONE DAY -sometime this year, I'll write your oneshot.

I hope it's ok.


Chapter 22


Not About Love


Lyrics and Chapter title from the song 'Not about love' by Fiona Apple.

And it doesn't seem fair
That your wicked words should work
In holding me down
it doesn't seem right



Hermione

She’d gained weight and she knew it. 

How could she be so stupid as to think she could be happy eating. He thighs were touching uncomfortably as she walked and her arms squished down at her sides.

However what she missed most of all, what she craved was the control. Without it she felt lost and helpless, like she was drifting along without a purpose. 

How could I have been so stupid? 

Harry had begun telling her she looked healthy. 

That’s just another way of saying I’ve gotten fat… 

I can’t believe I’ve fallen for fake happiness. 

Now I’m paying the price with my size. 

That afternoon she decided she at least needed more exercise. Tying her hair in a knot she drew herself up an exercise timetable. In the end she only left herself a couple of hours time to study.

Sticking to her new timetable was proving tough but only after 2 days she began to feel the old thrill, the feeling of emptiness, and the same nervous energy as before. 

Every morning when she got out of bed, the world went dim. After 3 weeks, what used to be occasional faintness was becoming normal. Every time she stood up the world would fade. She was finding sleep impossible, she’d lay in bed until about 2am before drifting into a fitful sleep. 

The slightest noise or thump and she would jump awake, her dreams mixing with the noise making her convinced that the dorms were being attacked or that a candle had made the curtains catch on fire or whatever her dream state was imagining. 

Hermione found she could sleep no more than 7 hours each night and she found herself more tired than she’d ever felt before. She’d begin to lose consciousness for split seconds as though her brain just shut off, one moment she was holding her books, the next they’d toppled to the floor. 

She was relying heavily on caffeine, so much that she was regularly shaking and getting headaches.

The weather was dreary, clouds hovering menacingly for days. 

Hermione’s head felt constantly blurry and her heart was beginning to feel dead, Hermione had trouble getting out of bed, there seemed to be a huge pointlessness to life that she couldn’t figure out.

Everyday Hermione found herself starting her day going to breakfast, she had to trudge to class, struggle to stay awake, pretend to eat lunch, struggle through more tedious lessons while her head was in a haze, avoid dinner, rush her homework, exercise and then attempt to sleep. 

Her life was lacking anything interesting and nothing interested her. The only thing she had to look forward to was the upcoming trip to Hogsmeade but even that was dampened by the fact that she couldn’t properly enjoy a meal at the Three Broomsticks. 

The week dragged by slowly. The only noticeable fact was that she hadn’t bumped into Malfoy since their encounter in the classroom a few weeks ago. 

Hermione knew she should feel glad about it although for some unexplainable reason she felt almost… disappointed? 

It was almost like he was going out of his way to avoid her. She hadn’t even seen him walk past her in the hall.

His face kept popping up into her mind and she kept replaying each and every one of their kisses.  He was even creeping into her dreams and whenever she woke up after dreaming of him, she felt warm and comfortable.

If she heard his voice in the Great Hall, she felt tingles run down her spine.

Every sensation she did not want to feel. It seemed Draco was the only thing that put life back into her, every other moment was dead. Ron and Harry were the only people talking to her; even Ginny was acting cold and distant.

The weather itself was freezing, snow and icicles caressing the castle walls, making Hermione Cold outside as well as inside. She was in the habit of wearing multiple layers; she seemed to be feeling the cold more so than anyone else.

She stood shivering outside her Charms class, scarf wrapped around her neck, a familiar smell wafter to her nose, she shivered and a strange thrill ran through her, When the source of the smell bumped abruptly into her she grasped in pain, the breath was knocked out of her.

Malfoy’s gruff voice growled at her. ‘Watch out Mudblood.’ His tone was as snobbish as ever, his horrible scowl still in place. There was nothing to show the difference save a slight blush tinge in his pale cheeks.

Without another word he shoved past. Moments like these continued throughout the next few weeks, Malfoy seemed to be creating reasons to get angry at her. Each time the same blush tinged his cheeks.

Hermione was becoming more and more depressed. Every morning she could barely get out of bed. The mental and psychical challenges of the day seemed too much. People like Ernie and Hannah were beginning to comment on her weight, some Slytherins making snide comments like ‘Look at you Granger, you weigh nothing, just like you’re worth nothing.’

The only thing she had to look forward to was the next Hogsmeade trip. The days crept by frustratingly slow until Hermione finally found herself standing in four layer outside in the snow, rubbing her hands and stomping her feet waiting for Harry and Ron. Ron showed up first, with a scowl on his face and muttering ‘Peeves’ under his breath. Harry and Seamus arrived hand in hand before they signed off and began walking.

The Three Broomsticks was mostly empty when they arrived. Hermione ordered a Butterbeer along with the others but only drank enough to warm herself up a bit. She was too scared to learn the calorie content.

Her brain felt foggy and she had trouble following the conversation. None of it seemed to matter, she nodded here and there, she was just happy to be out of the castle and enjoying the company. She wasn’t in the mood for conversing.

Her head snapped up every time the door opened but she saw no blonde.

Oh god, why would I want to see him? What’s wrong with me? Why am I even on the lookout?

And yet she couldn’t help but hope she’d spot him.

Her toes still felt frozen.

Seamus’ voice filtered into her head . “Coming Hermione?’ everyone had stood up already without her even noticing. She nodded and stood up, closing her eyes for a brief moment as the usual and familiar head spin rushed through her.

She felt a mad sort if energy pulsing through her. The same almost false energy she’d noticed came from fasting, it made her feel nervous and jittery, where what she really needed was sleep.

Hermione felt herself shaking her fingers and tapping her feet. She was cold, dizzy and empty. The nervous energy came from nowhere and was hard to contain.

She followed the boys mindlessly into the post office, Zonko’s and  a place she’d never been into, she didn’t really pay attention until finally she looked up to find herself surrounded by Honeydukes sweets. The boys had ran off to look at the new Furball Fancies, leaving her alone in the isle.

The colourful saturated packets hurt her eyes; she could smell the sweet candy smell. Without thinking she reached out to read the label of a packet of bright boiled sweets. Calculating the numbers in her head she was hit suddenly by an unexplainable panic.

She was surrounded by thousands and thousands of calories, none of which she could eat. She began to shake, the calories were oozing out of the packets and display cases, inviting her body to become fat, the smell caressed and choked her, the calories all around threatened.

Hermione’s heart hitched and she was taken by an uncontrollable urge to get away, far away. Her breathing became panicked, hysteria rising in her throat.

I need to get away!

She span in panic on her heels and bolted out of the shop, knocking a pile of lollies on the floor. She ran, her heart racing like she was being chased, she needed to escape, escape before she lost everything she’d worked for. She was standing in an alley now, panting for breath, her heart struggling in her chest, trying to supply blood to the rest of her body.

The world dimmed again and she swayed, she could feel the snowflakes settling in her hair, how long had it been snowing? Her body racked in cold shivers.

Nausea hit. She swayed again and felt herself falling.

Arms caught her, helped her upright and placed a cloak around her shoulders.

Hermione groaned, vaguely registering blonde hair.

The world dimmed again.

She felt herself being carried, a door opened, it felt warmer now, there was a pause and then she was carried up what felt like stairs. She was struggling to hold onto consciousness. She felt a soft pillow under her cheek and blankets placed over her.

The world dimmed completely.

When Hermione woke, she woke to complete confusion. Malfoy was sitting on a seat next to the bed she was laying in. On the bedside table was a steaming bowl of soup.

Malfoy’s eyes met hers and he assessed her cautiously.

Oh god, where am I?

I can’t believe I freaked out like that.

‘You’re in the Three Broomsticks. Rosmerta lent me a room. You’re eating this soup, Granger; I don’t care what you say. Do you still feel faint?’

Hermione sat up abruptly, her head swaying.

‘I saw it all Granger. What have you come to? You’re not even able to walk into a lolly shop?

‘What next, you faint whenever someone offers you a chip?’  Malfoy’s face was flushed, concern chasing anger in and out of his expression.

Hermione threw the covers off her and went to stand up. In one swift movement Draco barred the door.

‘Eat the fucking soup Granger.’

Hermione clenched her fists and headed towards the door anyway.

I shouldn’t do this…It’s too dangerous.

She leant her arm next to his head and whispered in his ear. ‘Make me.’ Pureblood wafted to her nose and she had to step back again to stop herself doing anything she’d regret – anything she already regretted.

Malfoy’s fingers twitched, his movements seemed to become rigid and controlled.

‘Eat the fucking soup, it’s basically just flavoured water! Ideally I’d force-feed you some steak and chips but I know I’m already pushing my luck. This will at least do you some good. I swear to Merlin Granger, I’ll Imperious you if I have to.’

Hermione made another attempt for the door but Malfoy didn’t budge.

Hermione sat on the bed grumpily. Her head swam again.

I’m not getting out of it this time.

Her chest stung sharply and she gasped in pain. Malfoy scowled and pressed the soup into her hands.

‘I won’t have you die while I’m here. I’ll certainly get the blame.’

Hermione dipped the spoon into the bowel, nerves jabbing her body. He was right though, a simple watercress wouldn’t have too many calories.

Apprehensively she sipped on it, it burnt her tongue and she felt the blood rush to her head.

Oh, god, I can’t believe I passed out. And Malfoy saving me of all people... I don’t understand what he’s playing at.

She dropped the spoon.

‘You didn’t poison this did you?’ She accused suspiciously. Malfoy rolled his eyes, picked up the spoon and took a mouthful. He gestured to the bowel again.

‘Finish it.’

They sat in silence as Hermione finished her soup. She felt guilty but there was no denying she felt better afterwards.

Hermione put the bowel down and made for the door.

‘Where are you going?’ Malfoy demanded.

Hermione clenched her teeth. ‘Back to Hogwarts.’

He laughed. ‘No way,’ he grabbed her arm and led her back to the fire. ‘How am I to know you’ll keep it down?’

Hermione laughed in disbelievingly. ‘You’re joking right?’

The fire crackled in the hearth, there was silence as Malfoy’s raised his eyebrows.

‘Fine!’ Hermione threw her hands in the air and flopped back onto the bed.

They sat tensely for almost two minutes, before Hermione turned to him angrily. ‘Then at least say something.’ 

Malfoy leant against the fireplace. ‘About what?’

‘I don’t care – anything.’

Malfoy paused and then nodded toward the empty bowel. ‘My mum used to make that soup. Only thing she’d ever cook. Only typically mother-like thing she ever did actually. I mean all you do is throw the watercress in some hot water with some herbs but she was always so proud of it. She said her mother taught it to her and so on. Father would kiss her on the cheek and say it was delicious. I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until it was all finished.’ He grinned. ‘I’d always feed my broccoli to the dogs.’

Hermione stared at him curiously, trying to picture this scene in her head.

‘I think that’s the most humanly thing you’ve ever said.’ Malfoy shuffled awkwardly.

Hermione’s chest seared in pain again and she groaned.

Malfoy’s countenance changed abruptly, a scowl replaced his boyish grin. ‘I’m more human than you, at least I succumb to my most basic human instincts, like eating for example.’

Ugh I had to ruin one of his nice moments didn’t I?

‘Oh for fuck’s sake Malfoy. Why are you so scared for anyone to see you show a bit of affection, a bit of invulnerability?’

‘Why are you so sacred to eat?’

Hermione stood up angrily. ‘Shut up!’

Malfoy strode towards he and whispered menacingly into her ear. ‘Make me.’

They both froze.

Hermione felt her body tremor, every psychical urge seemed to want to touch this boy before her, and yet she was so angry she wanted to shake him.

The shrugged off the coat he’d given her, shoved it in his face and stormed out of the room, down the stairs and out of Three Broomsticks back entrance.

 She was halfway down the deserted path to Hogwarts when the sun began to set. This meant all students needed to be back an hour ago. She cursed under her breath and turned sharply right, onto a little known or used shortcut through the forest, which she’d learnt of from the Marauders Map.

The sky was pink and orange against the snow covered hills, the snow crunched under her feet and the snow started to fall in flakes from above.  She began to feel cold again.

‘Granger wait!’ she heard footsteps plodding quickly behind her. ‘Slow down for Merlin’s sake!’

Hermione spun around furiously.

‘What?’

‘Take my coat or you’ll freeze.’

‘Why,’ her teeth clenched, ‘do you care?’

‘Granger, you fainted in the snow.’

Hermione didn’t reply, just turned around and continued trudging through the snow. Malfoy grabbed her wrist and spun her around. She rolled her eyes.

‘Let go.’

He kissed her instead. All in a rush the familiar feelings ran through her, tingles ran down her spine, need rose in her chest. Her body responded without thought, her arms going around his neck and her eyelids fluttering closed. Malfoy pulled her closer, his body warmth chasing away the cold from her limbs Her hands tangled in his hair as snowflakes fell atop her closed lids.

Time seemed to freeze until Malfoy pulled away, pressing the coat into her arms and without a word turned back towards usual path to Hogwarts.

Hermione stood frozen in shock and confusion.

It happened again and I did nothing to stop it.

What’s wrong with me?

Her stomach grumbled loudly, she shook her head and pulled the coat on. The snow still crunched under her feet and a branch broke somewhere nearby.

She turned and headed towards the castle, her stomach still painfully empty and her mind painfully full of confusing thoughts and emotions.

The figure in the forest stood in shock, careful not to make a noise.

Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger kissing?

In broad daylight?

No way had that happened, it made no logical sense, nevertheless, there it was plain to see, totally undeniable and completely unbelievable.

And there would be hell to pay.

 Happy Birthday hpaddicted_09! Sorry your present is late but you know what I'm like!

It doesn't have anything to do with Harry Potter, it's just sorta what came out when I thought  "I need to write a story..." but I hope you like it anyway

Hermione

The news of Luna and Neville spread fast, just like anything else at Hogwarts.

Hermione thought it was great.

Her attempts to fool Harry were working, she put crumbs on her plate early and when Harry finally arrived at dinner she’d fake a small bite, swallow and exclaim how yummy it had been and how she just couldn’t wait for him, she’d been so hungry she’d been.

The empty cookie and chip packets in her bag were also leading them on well.

Her clothes size went up again just in case she did lose weight and it was noticeable.

Hermione also developed a new rule.

She was allowed to eat Saturdays, as long as the food didn’t contain carbs or cane sugar, this way any of her binges would be in front of Harry and Ron, where she’d eat loads at lunch and snack in the common room as proof she was eating. The only drawback was that it would take Sunday and Monday to lose back the weight from the binge. It felt like 2 steps forward 1 step back but as long as Harry and Ron were happy it didn’t matter.

At first Hermione was nervous about the Saturday binges but after a while she began to relish it, she could spend the whole week refusing food thinking, I’ll eat that on Saturday, if I can just wait till Saturday. She’d stuff herself till she felt sick and soon enough The Saturday binge crept into Friday night and Sunday binging as well.

By the end of the week she’d be so incredibly hungry that it was easy to fake enjoyment in front of Ron and Harry, every morsel tasted better after 5 days of fasting.

She was starting to feel secure in this rhythm of Monday to Friday at 6m fasting, even though she was a walking zombie at the end of it.

That morning they had charms. Hermione was growing increasingly frustrated; she seemed to be the only person in her class unable to animate her doll.

Even Neville was able to make his china doll dance across the table.

‘Ugh,’ she muttered. Ron stared in disbelief.

Tenderly he grabbed her wrist, his big hands wrapping around them easily. ‘You got to twist it, like this.’

He showed her and within five minutes she’d finally mustered it as her doll shimmied across the oak desk with a gentle tap tap.

Flitwick stared in puzzlement.

As they left charms, Ron was shaking his head. ‘That’s weird Hermione. I dunno how you couldn’t do it.’

Harry glanced at Ron in a silent signal for him to be more tactful. It was a Thursday, the hardest day to fast. Hermione found it difficult to resist eating at lunch but held through with the promise of chips on Saturday.

During potions a messenger arrived at the door. Hermione’s potion had turned a beautiful lilac colour; Snape was tutting because it was in fact supposed to be a disgusting vomit green.

‘Hermione Granger?’ The boy asked Nervously.

Glad to escape Snape’s smirks, the young boy led her to the gargoyle outside Dumbledore’s office.

Her voice was worried when she next spoke. ‘Dumbledore wants to see me?’

The boy nodded, said ‘Cockroach clusters’ and left.

Nervously Hermione climbed the staircases. She felt weak and had to lean on Dumbledore’s door for support as her vision dimmed – she breathed deeply and the dizziness passed.

She knocked gently and heard the headmaster bid her enter.

Dumbledore folded a letter and looked at her over his half moon glasses.

‘Miss Granger. How are you?’ He did not wait for a response. ‘Professor Flitwick came to see me this morning. He said that he was growing concerned that your performance has been lowering of late. He is not the only teacher at Hogwarts to voice such concerns, even Snape mentioned it in passing the other day.’

He paused. Hermione swallowed a lump in her throat.

It’s because I can’t concentrate.

‘I find this very uncharacteristic of you myself Miss Granger. I wonder, is everything alright?’

She nodded; sure her panicked eyes were giving her away.

‘Sleeping well? Studying? Eating well?’ He paused again. Concern lined his eyes. ‘I must confess that I myself have noticed that you do look frail of late Hermione.’

Hermione smiled faintly. ‘I’m fine professor, honestly.’

Dumbledore nodded slowly. ‘Very well. You best get back to class then.’

Hermione turned without a word.

She knew things were getting bad if teachers were noticing. She was well aware of her failing grades. It frustrated her and yet she still couldn’t even face the thought of eating properly.

Hermione was shaking, completely unaware of where she was going. Potions would be over by now.

When she arrived in the hall she glanced up to see what the weather was like.

Her vision dimmed and doubled and the people in the hall swayed as if on a boat.

For a few seconds she felt like she was going to pass out but the feeling soon passed.

Her stomach was grumbling and Hermione closed her eyes, she felt a sick accomplishment at the hunger consuming her midriff.

I need to eat more though, or at least look like I am. But at the same time I binge enough at the moment as it is.

At dinner Ron offered her potatoes.

She smiled. ‘Sure!’ Ron scooped the delicious golden brown-shelled chats onto her plate. He looked smug and pleased. She smiled appreciatively. As soon as he looked away, she brushed them lightly to the floor.

Ginny snorted. Hermione looked up startled.

‘Hermione?’

Hermione raised her eyebrows. ‘Yes?’

Ginny smiled in a sickly sweet manner.

‘I need to discuss something with you after you’ve EATEN.’ She emphasised the last word loudly. Hermione cringed.

‘Sorry Ginny can we talk later? I’m feeling a little ill. I think I’m going to go back to the common room.’

As the left the hall early she smiled at the secret hunger pangs and knowing that Harry and Ron were satisfied. (Unfortunately Ginny wasn’t as easy to please).

She felt a tug on her shirt as she rounded the corner. She spun around wildly.

Malfoy glared at her, his jaws were clenched tightly. He glanced around him for a moment before turning his full attention back on her. His eyes were burning intensely.

‘Don’t think I didn’t see that.’

She blinked in confusion, yanking her arm away.

‘See what?’

Malfoy snarled. ‘Don’t feign innocence. You’re not eating? I mean subtly declining, sure, but pretending?’

Hermione couldn’t see what he was getting at. Her pulse was racing now, as it always did when her eating habits were confronted. His fingers shook; she couldn’t comprehend the expression on Malfoy’s face or the slight crease between his delicate brows.

‘What does it matter?’ She growled, her eyes searching his face. Malfoy grabbed her elbow -her skin tickling and warmed where he touched her- and dragged her into an empty classroom nearby. It smelt strongly of dust.

‘Look-’ Malfoy paused looking at her face severely. ‘I’ve just come to the realisation-’ he stopped again, he seemed to be struggling with his words, something she didn’t see often.

‘I mean, if there is no hope for you, there’s no hope for anyone. I’m just saying-’

‘Ugh Malfoy. What’s wrong with you, I thought you didn’t care?’

‘I don’t,’ Malfoy seemed to be shaking in anger. He laughed. ‘That’s ridiculous and impossible. Can’t you just stop?’

Hermione had no idea how to react to this unsure almost confused Malfoy. Cocky bastard Malfoy she could deal with but this just left her dizzy and disoriented.

‘Just stop?!’ Her anger was rising; she was hungry, grumpy and couldn’t deal with the pureblood twot.

I don’t have to deal with this.

‘Just fuck off Malfoy. I’m sick of this –you.’

She twirled around.

‘Don’t walk away from me Granger!’

She twisted back towards him sharply, tendrils of her hair whipping her face. ‘I’m sick of playing your mind games!’

His jaw clenched again. ‘I’m not- ugh you’re so frustrating.’

Hermione stepped towards him, obviously expecting her fragile psychical presence to be menacing; she leaned in close, her breath mingled with his.

‘I’m frustrating?’ for a moment she thought she saw a thrill of caution as he caught sight of her eyes, he obviously saw her psychical presence as fragile but she was pleased to see he was still aware of he skills with a wand (or perhaps he was aware she was in an unstable mental state).

Malfoy’s jaw muscle twitched, her own jaw tingled and she had to push away a sudden urge to plant her lips along it, neither spoke or moved, their breathing not quit even. His eyes clenched shut in a frustrated manner, their faces still tilting towards each other, inches from each other.

‘Merlin Granger, what have you done to me?’

Confusion creased her brow. ‘Done?’

Malfoy growled and she stepped back, her knees were weak and she leat against the doorframe for support.

Malfoy held himself above her with one hand on the door frame.

Her breath hitched and his fingers moved ever so slightly. She could feel her face flush and her lower lip tremble against her will. She could barely breathe, as though his Pureblood cologne was chloroform instead.

‘Oh god how I hate you.’ She whispered.

Abruptly his hands were in her hair, pulling her forward. Her hands were pressed against this chest; inadvertently she was leaning up on her toes to get closer. Instantly their lips locked, crushing together in a swirl of fury and lust.

Malfoy groaned and pulled away.

‘We can’t do this.’ His hand went through his hair almost nervously, the effect ruffling it up and causing him to become even more appealing. ‘You’re crazy and I’m starting to think I might be too.’

Hermione leant her head against the door pane panting. She glared at him irritably. ‘You say that like it’s my fault!’

He snarled again. ‘Just go eat Granger.’ He turned away and slammed the door shut behind him.

Draco

It took all Draco’s self control not to walk back in there and give in.

What’s going on with me?

It was all crashing down on him. Her face, her smell, everything about her was infecting him.

This would all be so much easier if I was this attracted to Pansy.

Oh god.

This attracted?

Without warning the truth of the situation hit him like a brick.

I’m attracted to her.

 Oh Merlin. Shit. Fuck.

I’m attracted to that spoiled, all-to-smart brat.

Memories swirled in his head of the way her cheeks flushed after they’d kiss, the way her mouth twitched when she moved and the beautiful swell of her creamy breasts peeking above her sweater before she’d lost weight.

Before she’d lost weight.

Oh, bugger.

The second realisation hit him with more force than the first leaving his confused mind reeling with shock.

I’m not being a typical male; I’m not just interested in her looks –chiefly because she seems so darn intent on ruining them- and if I’m not just interested in her looks-

Oh bugger.

Some part of me must like her personality.

But I hate her!

I hate her intelligence, her wit, and her passion-

Oh Merlin who am I kidding?

Another part of him knew he enjoyed her company, in a sick twisted way he actually wanted to be near her.

He wanted to unravel the mystery that was her complicated and brilliant mind.

 He wanted to touch her, explore her…

He clenched his fists and shook his head as if to clear his mind. ‘Draco you’re fucked…’ he murmured to himself gently.

When he found Blaise in their rooms, he was almost entirely sure he’d gone insane.

Blaise was sitting on his bed staring at his canopy blankly.

‘Girl troubles?’ Draco mumbled as he collapsed backwards onto his own

Blaise blinked. ‘She’s not the problem. I’m the trouble.’ He sat up further, abruptly turning his rich dark eyes towards Draco. ‘I can’t handle this Draco. I can’t do this-this emotion thing. I don’t even think she wants that but I can’t stop myself. I just, it’s so confusing, I want to be near her all the time and then I…. I can’t explain it. This whole… love thing…’ his eyes read Draco’s facial expression. ‘What’s up with you?’

Draco threw his hands above his head in anger. ‘I’m torn between hexing her into oblivion’ his fists clenched. ‘And-and- well you can guess the other things.’ Draco closed his eyes, letting the velvety darkness of his eyelids comfort him.

He felt Blaise’s eyes search his face. ‘Who?’

Draco groaned. ‘I don’t think I can tell you. You’ll laugh – you’ll- I don’t even want to admit that I – well I don’t really like her, I just want to-’

‘Kiss her senseless?’

Draco clenched his jaw and nodded.

‘Fuck her?’

He nodded again trying not to imagine the lovely images and simultaneously coming to terms with the fact that he even found them lovely.

Blaise shuffled awkwardly. ‘Right.’

Draco opened his eyes.

‘It won’t work though, she’s a Gryffindor.’

Blaise gestured to himself. ‘No one seems to mind these days.’

‘Oh, for fuck sakes Blaise, she’s not just any Gryffindor. It’s Granger!’

Blaise’s jaw dropped open. ‘Right.’

There was an awkward silence

‘You hate her guts… she hates yours…I can see the complication. Blaise gazed at the door for a moment and then grinned impishly ‘Although I’ve heard enemy sex is great..’

Draco threw a pillow at him.

‘Granger? Draco? I certainly didn’t see that coming. I was convinced you hated her.’

Draco’s shoulders slumped. ‘So was I…’

There was another long silence.

‘Ginny is worried about her you know…’ Blaise murmured.

Malfoy nodded. ‘I know.’

And I fucking hate to admit it but I think some tiny miniscule part of me might be as well.

Hermione

In Transfigurations Hermione didn’t fall asleep. No, her mind way occupied by far worse.

I hate Malfoy so much.

It’s got to stop. I’m telling him to cease this silly parcel giving. It’s not funny. It never was.

She’d received another parcel this morning, this time full of jellybeans, pastries and scrumptious looking cauldron cakes. They’d looked to good to throw out so after checking them for poisons or enchantments, she gave them to a very pleased Ron.

‘Miss Granger? Do you know the answer?’

She looked up panicky, ‘What was the question?’

McGonagal looked annoyed.

 ‘Potter!’ she barked. Harry jumped. ‘I’d like to see you after class.’

Harry looked confused. ‘Yes professor.’

‘‘See you after class.’ He murmured as Hermione left.

When lunch came she headed reluctantly towards the hall.

Last minute she changed her mind and opted for a walk around the lake.

I could use the exercise.

She spotted a blonde under an oak tree.

Ugh! Git. I hate him.

Feeling dazed and knowing her mind wasn’t working properly, she stormed up to him.

He looked up at her as shadow fell over him like a blanket. He looked up tired, almost human.

‘It’s not funny Malfoy.’

‘It wasn’t meant to be.’

‘Right,’ she was fuming. ‘So you’re telling me you sent it to actually make me feel better?’ She laughed. ‘I highly doubt it.’

‘It wasn’t meant to make you feel better either.’ A scowl was fixed like glue on his face.

‘Ugh, then why on earth bother sending the most expensive? Are you just showing off your filthy wealth and why the hell aren’t you blackmailing me?’

Malfoy stood up angrily. ‘First of all, most expensive what? And secondly, would you like me to blackmail you?’

She stopped and looked at up him.

‘Of course not, it’s just odd that you aren’t. The most expensive Honeydukes chocolates you twat!’

Malfoy snorted. ‘Why would I bother sending you anything? It would be a waste anyway. Judging by that book of yours, you probably wouldn’t eat it anyway.’ He looked her up and down icily. ‘Why is that Granger? On a diet?’

Hermione gaped; she wouldn’t be surprised if her hair was standing angrily on end. ‘You didn’t send it?’

‘No Granger, someone else’s joke. Probably Weasley thinks he’s being all romantic. Does he know that you don’t eat?’

His face filled with distaste. ‘Then again he eats enough for the both of you.’

Hermione blushed. ‘Fuck off.’

She turned on her heel, Malfoy snagged her wrist and she spun around furiously.

‘It was uncalled for Malfoy,’ her voice shook. ‘K-kissing me to steal that book. It’s none of your business.’

‘Oh but it is.’ His grin was malicious. She stepped back.

‘I hate you so much Malfoy. What I do with my life has nothing to do with you. You fucking scum ball.’

Malfoy tutted. ‘Such harsh words coming from such a small girl.’

‘Close your mouth Malfoy.’ She didn’t like the tone of his voice; she tripped on a twig and stumbled a few steps back.

He lifted up her snagged arm. ‘Such tiny wrists. They’d probably break easily.’ He bent her hand back, she gasped in pain.

‘Ugh!’ she swung at him with her free hand. He caught this too. She stepped back her spine bumping painfully into the tree. With one hand he hoisted her hands above her head, his fingers wrapping easily around both wrists.

Adrenaline was racing through her now, rising faster than usual with no food to slow it down. Despite the warm air she shivered, her knees giving way as Malfoy moved in.

‘Why do you do it Granger?’

Because it’s my lifeline. It’s the only constant thing I have. The only thing I can control.

But this was wrong. She’d lost control a long time again.

She gritted her teeth.  ‘I’m going to kill you Malfoy. I’m going to kill you with my bare hands.

He laughed scornfully. ‘You?’ He poked her in the ribs. She gasped again.

She struggled against him, kicking him in the shins.

I will not be in this situation twice!

He moved in closer, trapping her legs with his solid thighs.

‘I didn’t blackmail you Granger because I’m curious. I don’t believe the Gryffindor super brain would go on a simple diet.’

‘It doesn’t concern you, you half-witted oaf. I eat plenty. You saw yourself, who cares if it’s not every day. It’s just a phase. So what if I don’t have a small appetite.’

Her stomach rumbled. An unreadable expression crossed his face.

‘You’re a strong woman Granger. I won’t deny that. Stronger that most people I’ve met.’

His lips were almost touching hers. ‘If you can’t be saved, how can I?’

He looked at her intently before letting her wrists slip through his fingers and walked away.

Hermione slid down the tree in confusion.

He’s being a complete and yet…

Ugh.

She couldn’t pinpoint what was going on.

The worst part was that she was still trembling; not from fear or cold but from the memory of his lips.

Harry looked up startled as McGonagal barked at him.

What have I done now? I was actually listening.

‘Yes professor.’

He glanced sideway at Seamus who shrugged.

‘See you after class.’ He muttered as Hermione headed for the door.

Once everyone had filed out he walked up to her desk. ‘Professor?’

She sighed heavily. ‘Don’t worry Mr. Potter, you’re not in trouble.’

His shoulders un-tensed. ‘Oh, good.’

‘It’s about miss Granger. No doubt you’ll notice she is slipping in class. This is very unusual for her. I also can’t help but notice she has lost a significant amount of weight.’

He nodded gravely, realising what was going on. ‘I’m worried too Professor. She’s not eating. I think it has to do with her dad. He’s getting better. Ginny and I are sure she’ll start eating again, now that he’s out of hospital.’

The usually stern witch looked at him softly. ‘You and miss Weasley will look after her won’t you?’

‘We already are Professor.’

Hermione

Hermione froze, barely registering what was going on.

Logic seemed to flee from her mind. A shudder went through her but it was not unpleasant. Her body seemed to be reacting it never had with Krum or Dean.

Without warning she pushed him away. He wiped his mouth his cheeks flushed pink.

‘Never do that again Granger.’

Her hand shot forward and grabbed his collar, within seconds there lips were locked again, she had her hands in his hair pulling half in anger, his hands slid to her pockets, groping all around.

She squeaked as he pulled her closer again.

This is wrong.

She pushed him away once more, thoroughly shocked, not only at his actions but her own.

‘That was just…Ugh.’

She shot off down the hall as fast as she could not bothering to even turn around.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Oh, Merlin, I think that’s the most bizarre thing that’s ever happened to me…

She felt like she was in a dream, her mind was slow and everything felt surreal.

She was still shaking as she rushed up the dormitory stairs, she felt weak kneed.

She sat on her bed staring dazedly at the stars behind her window.

She felt too riled up to sleep.

I can’t think about it.

I don’t want to think about it.

As if by habit she reached for her food diary, at least writing down her food’s intake would distract her.

She froze.

It’s missing.

Her book was gone, her food diary, her daily ritual, it was missing. Panic rose in her throat.

Did I leave it somewhere?

Her mind flitted to Malfoy’s wondering hands.

Oh, Merlin, he wasn’t groping me, he was checking my pockets.

Stealing my property.

He only kissed me to get something like evidence, something to blackmail me with.

I’m going to kill him.

Harry

Harry had been expecting that exact expression, although he had hoped it would have come later. The yelling would come next he expected.

Ron’s eye flitted between himself and Seamus; who quickly disentangled himself.

‘Are you- Oh Merlin…’

They nodded.

‘Together?’

They nodded again.

‘Together, together?’

He received another nod and looked like he was about to faint.

‘So you love each other?’ he looked anxious.

Harry smiled, glancing at Seamus. ‘Yes we do.’

Ron nodded. ‘Well, that’s ok then…’

Draco

Draco couldn’t believe what he was reading.

Hermione Granger?

Smart, bushy haired, Granger? Intelligent, sensible Granger? The one who didn’t care about her appearance? The one who believed in academic excellence?

He knew he should be pleased, should be laughing and gloating; not only did he have fantastic blackmail material, he had something more personal than he could have imagined in his hands, there she was hurting herself without him lifting a finger.

And yet something is terribly out of place.

Where was the pleasure if it wasn’t he himself inflicting the torment? It wasn’t emotional torment though it was physical; it didn’t have the same appeal.

Of course I could just sit back and watch her self-destruct but where is the fun in that?

What would be in it for me?

This book shows just how flawed Granger really is.

There was such rawness to the writing; he almost wished he didn’t have it.

He couldn’t shake off a nagging feeling.

He disliked it immensely.

And then there was the kiss.

It had been a ploy to search her pockets, pull out what her thought was a diary, something he always seemed to catch her checking her pockets for habitually. The idea had been spontaneous, purely on impulse.

Draco didn’t like that it had happened while she stirred emotion in him.

She felt so fragile but her kiss was so strong.

And her ass was-

He shook his head. Trying to clear his mind of the surfacing thoughts.

She makes me so mad! That’s even more reason to use this against her!

And yet he was disturbed by what he was reading, he could barely imagine what was going through her head.

Tuesday – nothing

Wednesday – bowl of rice, 20g cheese, 4 pieces chocolate, 50g tofu

Thursday – nothing

Friday- nothing

Sat –nothing

Sunday – Bowl of grapes

Monday – nothing

Tuesday –

Draco wondered what she’d eaten today.

This all explained her demeanour her tiredness, her jumpiness when he had joked about her nutrition, her tenseness when someone mentioned food, her grumpiness and the complete torn look in her eyes every meal.

She’s not eating.

But why?

A diet?

Surely not? She is too sensible for that, too intelligent.

A strike for house elf rights?

At least that’s more plausible…

It just doesn’t make any sense.

How can she do this to herself?

How can she not cave in and eat?

But the diary showed that she had, some of the entries looked like binges, as though she’d gone mad or grown a second stomach.

The nothing days make up for that…

He could barely justify what slipped through his thoughts next.

I don’t truly want her dead. I absolutely hate her but it is just a stupid rivalry…

If I sit back and watch, it would be like killing her myself.

Her oblivious friends will eventually notice won’t they?

If they got their heads out of their arses and noticed, I’d be off the hook.

What would I gain by helping?

There is nothing I could do anyway.

Maybe if she stops writing it down it will stop.

He continued to stare at her neat handwriting.

Something was stirring in Draco and he didn’t like it.

Hermione

Hermione wasn’t going to breakfast.

No way.

If I eat something, I’ve got no way to write it down.

No way.

I can’t eat. I can’t.

Malfoy will laugh. I don’t want to see him. I can’t bear it.

He knows. I’m sure of it.

He probably thinks I’m fat, thinks I have every reason to starve myself.

He’ll laugh at the kiss, laugh that I thought her was really kissing me.

 I hate him, I hate him.

I’ll go to my classes only. I won’t see anyone. I’m behind in work anyway.

An owl pecked at her window.

She walked over cautiously, the owl seemed to be struggling with a package.

She pulled the window open, the room was empty, her roommates obviously down at breakfast.

The package was unsigned with only a small message;

Thought this would make you feel better.

Inside she found an assortment of the finest, most expensive Honeydukes chocolates and muffins.

Is this a sick joke?

Malfoy!

He’d read her food diary and was taunting her, daring her to eat it.

She’d throw it out. It was probably enchanted. She’d leave it in his bag later.

Hermione’s stomach ached but this was just cramps. Her period had been due a week ago, it was late and giving her grief.

Hermione managed to slip to all her classes unnoticed and spent lunch finishing essays on her bed.

Harry and Ron finally caught up with her just before dinner.

‘Where have you been? We’ve barely seen you all day.

‘Library.’ She replied confidently.

‘Right, well, you can’t spend dinner at the library.’

Oh god no.

She squeaked in protest as they grabbed her arm. She tried not to look too stressed as she walked with Harry and Ron.

Just as she had suspected Malfoy was looking at her. She sat stock-still staring at an indent in the table, refusing to meet his eye. He was probably looking for traces of chocolate on her face.

He’ll stand up any minute now and announce to the school ‘Guess what everyone, Granger doesn’t eat!’

She shuddered at the thought. It made her feel even more distressed.

Maybe he doesn’t know what it means…

She glanced up, he was looking at her thoughtfully.

‘Harry, I don’t know how to find stuff out as good as her!’

Hermione turned around. Harry and Ginny were sitting close, heads together again. She noted how close they sat and comfortable they looked. The love was still evident even if they’d decided not to act on it.

Harry whispered in her ear and Ginny nodded seriously before she started laughing, she leant close and gave him a peck on the lips, whispering something to him in return. Harry smiled awkwardly as his eyes darted to Hermione. She smiled back.